Tishani Doshi- Critical Analysis

 

Dr Rupali Saini

Assistant Professor

Department of English

Govt. College, Sri Karanpur,

Sri Ganganagar, Rajasthan.

 

“Listening to Abida Parveen on Loop, I Understand

Why I Miss Home and Why It Must Be So”

by

Tishani Doshi

Critical Analysis

 

            Tishani Doshi’s  poem “Listening to Abida Parveen on Loop, I Understand Why I Miss Home and Why It Must Be So” from her exquisite collection entitled “A God at the Door” is a creation enriched with multiple layers of interpretation. The poem takes the readers on a variety of trips as per their mood and lens with which they wish to take off, though with its variety of  versions this treasure trove also creates a sense of bafflement in the minds of the readers especially when they strive for figuring out some definite meanings. Along with the major themes of dislocation, identity crisis, nostalgia, usually reflected in Doshi’s compositions, this poem seems to offer more than usual specifically from the realm of spirituality and mysticism.

            As it is already mentioned that this craft by Doshi is opening up a thousands of doors for various expositions and demands an exhaustive and comprehensive analytical articulation but seeing the limitations of this short critical analysis the present evaluative work is being carried out in special reference to the shriekings of an estranged soul echoing throughout this poetic piece. The title “Listening to Abida Parveen on Loop…” itself gives an ample impression for taking this piece in spiritual light, viewing the eternal yearning for a permanent settlement at centre.

            The uneasiness of a human heart who is restrained by the autonomy of a fixed format of life is palpable from the beginning of the poem, as in the very first line, the speaker expresses her annoyance with life-

“This frugal diet of living
is getting to me”

 

In the following tercet,

“Sometimes in the desert
the wind will blow through my shell-shaped ears
and whisper a sea song just to taunt me”

the speaker delineates a contrasting imagery between her aspiration for immensity in the form of “a sea song” and the aridity of her placement amidst a desert-like location. Here, she explicitly asserts her wind like cravings which appear to be taunting on the face of her waste-landish setting. The speaker goes on to posit the futility of her proposed venture by voicing the uncertainties and fears associated with the entire quest and seems to claim the precariousness of the whole fabric of the game of life.

If the endgame is to renounce house
mother father husband sibling succulent child
to go in search of better hummus and woollen blankets

to choose one dog and run for the border
I'm not sure this contest was made for me

 Here the word “border” is significant which draws the attention towards the dilemmas felt by an immigrant and in spiritual context the statement “to choose one dog and run for the border” also attracts the mind towards the choice of a materialistic life and its desperate race, leaving man discontented and lonely at the end of the day, devoid of any fulfillment despite touching the borderline- an indication towards dubiosity felt in the attempt of chasing the materialistic dog since the reward doesn’t seem promising enough in providing a permanent companionship, as the speaker states-

“What if the dog ignores me
What if he refuses water from the tin cup
I lay out for him        what if we become estranged
like Enkidu ancient wanderer         and his herd
What if my dog finds himself a family
of wolves and abandons me
What if I felt my heart was taken out of me”

            The striking anxiety and the conflicts of a soul while stepping ahead in the race of material gains are quite apparent. The allusion of “Enkidu- the Sumerian warrior” is apt, rendering a mythical touch and by deploying Simile here, Doshi successfully portrays the abandonment faced by Enkidu, by his own savage herd which is “dog” in the present case.

            The repetition of the phrase “what if…” throughout the poem is perfectly signaling the paradoxical undercurrents, a man confronts in his limboid state between beast and divine. The restlessness of a heart reaches at its climax when the speaker prepares to convince herself for performing all those tasks with which she couldn’t reconcile but she is ready to do so on the condition that if all these performances ultimately lead her towards an unchanging- unadulterated abode. So, if the assurance of a long-lasting settlement is granted then she would happily perform all the rituals such as “could write on multiple / clay tablets could even practice hieroglyphs /  the symbol for voyage” without shedding a tear for her lost abode but the next line “a torn out eye / falling man with blood streaming from head / Apis Nandi cosmic bull running into me” is also indicative of an underlying restlessness and a struggling spirit (allusion to the Egyptian sacred bull- Apis Nandi) running in the course of her voyage for returning to the long-lost abode where the speaker hopes to get everything intact as she left it “bread on table bowl of salt / apple tree      river and its stepping stones / returned to me”, the expressions such as apple tree, bowl of salt and river with its stepping stones are giving an impression of biblical references especially of the lost paradise.

            In the next stanza the poem takes a turn with an uprising suspicion towards the desired heavenly abode itself. By putting forward her apprehension in regard to the validity of the long-cherished promises of the home, the speaker compares it to “Chernobyl- the worst nuclear disaster in history”. Doshi here seems to present a horrendous assumption of human’s psyche when it tends to suspect over the soothing claims of the ultimate abode and ruminates over the chances of getting stuck in the similar state of uncertainty, restlessness and discontentment in and out of life, the speaker presumes that the home for which she is pining desperately might turn out to be nightmarish even worse than her present existence and she further avers-

“what if the well was went poisoned but the bird song

made up for it      what if the ghosts

 of all the shot dogs to live underground

with the worms…”

            By extending wariness to the extent of considering this life itself a dream-like state and man’s failure of waking up from the illusions of the seeming manifestations, “what if you didn't wake up /  asking did it all really happen to me”, Doshi’s verse reflects Vedantic perception of dreaming & waking and the trouble continues with the anxious presumptions like what if the human’s very creation is destined to be an absurd and vicious circle, moving in a complete chaos never meant for any kind of respite, settlement or identity.

            In the following stanza, the speaker deftly lays bare a sense of belongingness ever present in every human heart but the tragedy is not to be able to find out the origin- the home. As the speaker clarifies that we can’t get rid of this eternal feeling of emptiness and homesickness even when we are under the roof of our four walled cosy- building which we call home, this sense of being lost prevails everywhere.

            At the culmination of her dilemmatic-horrors, the speaker here recalls the endpoint of this journey of life usually believed to be a gateway to rejuvenation but possessing a fluctuating temperament towards any promise of resurrection, she finds herself drowning into an utter despair.

“….what if I'm finally old
and ready for the plant of rejuvenation
but no one's offering it to me”

            The subsequent stanza is an absolute assemblage of all the emotions pervaded in the poem, as here along with a flair of her perplexing queries, she offers different possible outcomes with an earnest note for taking a leap into one’s divine heritage, “Would you carry me to this divinity”, highlighting the unpredictability of the random attempts, man opts in search of divinity, the speaker finally contends-

 

“What if god on the other side of the wall
was equally alone and in need of company
What if we replaced god with home
What if I was ready to become nothing
What if I understood there was no me”
           

            In this last stanza, the speaker is constantly unleashing her fantasies and fears by discussing the contrasting outcomes, as what if the god whom we want to fill our void, himself is as lonely as we are; and equally there is a possibility of getting an ultimate abode in god’s ambiance; and what if on the face of the vastness of divine, I myself become a void- devoid of any ego or identity of my own. Thus, with the vigorous strokes of anxieties and fears, hope and hopelessness, sense of belongingness and loss of identity, to be and not to be, Doshi has successfully painted a thorough picture of man’s dilemma.

 

 

 

Reference-

https://lithub.com/listening-to-abida-parveen-on-loop-i-understand-why-i-miss-home-and-why-it-must-be-so/